This post is for CAT! Since I show up in her feed …
This post is for CAT! Since I show up in her feed reader right when I post.
I love you!!!
Christmas was good. I don’t want to take my Christmas tree down.
Okay I know I haven’t written. The fact no one rea…
Okay I know I haven’t written. The fact no one really comes makes me lose motivation.
I have a lot on my mind right now. Especially right now. I really want to talk about it but I am afraid it will come out wrong. I will say that I don’t know if God is putting certain people in my life to make me see what life is really about or if I am choosing this. I am lucky, but it hurts like hell, especially when things in their life aren’t working out.
Christmas music makes me sad this year…especially the song “breath of heaven”..I wanted to cry. I am sad this holiday season and I wanna break lose but it’s so hard.
Mollie
Stuff
I am here. Didn’t really feel like writing the past few days because I can’t seem to get any of my thoughts out the way I really want to but I figured trying wouldn’t hurt.
Ever try to see the good from a bad outcome? Niki’s death has brought so many blessings and even though I miss Niki so much it hurts I am happy with the way things have been going since. I have become closer with some people, talked to Niki’s family for the first time and been keeping in touch. It’s been amazing. But it’s still so hard, I teared up during class today, especially when a song comes on that really reminds me of her.
Her aunt emailed me yesterday. I had emailed her first and she sent me the letter Niki wrote me 2 days before she left this Earth and I was bawling. It is the most amazing letter I have ever read and it just gives me so much comfort, and I am so happy she is no longer in any pain. It would be very selfish to want her back just so I would feel better. She went through so much and deserves to be free.
I showed some close people the letter but this is the part that stuck out the most:
“Remember that I’ll be rooting for you all the time dearie , and telling Jesus about you. And I’ll be wanting to tell you about how amazing heaven is but I won’t be able to , so just know that it will be amazing, and know that I will always love you. Look for me when you get to heaven , k? I’ll be waiting for you . ”
How amazing is that. I can’t wait until I see her again, talk to her again, hug her so hard. It will be the best first day of my eternal life. Is it weird to be excited already???
Mollie
Nik Nik
Wow I definetly just woke up and it’s about 4 PM….sad. But I had stayed up all night pretty much working on this video for Niki (Go down to november 28th if you don’t know). I think it’s really good, makes me smile.
Today I made a webband in memory of Niki, it’s on the top corner of my site and I want to get this around. If Niki touched you in some way or another please feel free to use it, it would make me so happy and I know she would be too.
I definetly miss that girl. I will write more when I am more awake.
Mollie
Picture of the day
Grow up
So today I found out something that REALLY upset me. It more made me angry and I almost did something but was stopped. But it’s really sad how adults can act exactly like highschoolers and talk crap about people. Seriously, you all should be the one giving me the lectures on how “gossiping is bad”..
I deleted my account on blogexplosion because a good friend of mine is being fed crap she doesn’t deserve. It’s been going on for awhile now and I was also affected by this “crap talking” awhile back but decided to stick around. Bad choice.
I feel sorry for the people involved and feel they need to do that. Really am sorry, hope you find you’re happiness sooner or later. No one talks crap about a sweet person for no reason.
25peeps
I finally made 25peeps
Please click here: http://www.25peeps.com/r/2329 and my picture as well! That would be awesome!!
Things have been alright the past few days… I am ok.
I was at my friends house the other day and we made a video.
Thoughts.
All Alone- Kutless
Icy chills round your heart
A heart that’s made of stone
It seems like
Life is out to get you
To destroy what you want
I know that, that you blame me for all that you go through
It could be, so different if you would just let it go
You’re all alone
Running out of ways to
Hold on to hope
And it always slips away
You’re all alone
But you don’t have to
Pretend to cope
There is a brighter way
If you would change your perspective
You’d see that it is true
Life is not always what you want
Sometimes it’s hard to bear
I’d be with you, and help you in all that you go through
I love you, let Me change your heart by coming in
You’re all alone
Running out of ways to
Hold on to hope
And it always slips away
You’re all alone
But you don’t have to
Pretend to cope
There is a brighter way
Thanks to everyone who’s commented, the support is amazing
It’s taken me some time to get myself to write again.
It has been easy for me to keep my emotions under control when I am at school, I really dont know what I would do with myself if I broke down…I’ve had a few close calls but I’ve been ok. It’s mainly when I am by myself or talking to lulu…
I don’t think I mentioned that I have this constant warm feeling throughout my body…its nothing I can describe in words. I think it’s both Niki and God showing me that it is ok, I am not the only one who is getting these feelings. Some of her friends and family members have it too..it’s so awesome.
Everynight I have been talking to Niki, telling her so much. How much she meant, and I even showed her my cat I once told her about (He gives kisses). I know she’s listening and I know she’s there and I told her never to leave me. I want to grow up with her in my heart, I want to live like her.
I am naming my first baby girl Nicole Madeleine, Niki’s real name was “Nicolette” but I like Nicole, pretty much means the same thing and her nickname will be Niki (For as long as my baby lets me call her that) hehe. Think I’m kidding? Call me when I’m 25.
Today we did Senior Confessions, regrets and Quotes..For my quote I used “If the world was perfect, Heaven wouldn’t be desirable”…I am so happy.
Nik Nik, I ate brownies yesterday and today and pretty much the WHOLE thing, but I bet you could have eaten more. =)
I seriously will never look at brownies, redbull and cupcakes the same again.
I am so happy right now, but so sad too.
I have never been so close to the Lord as I am now.
Some commenters are wondering what happened, please read down to November 28th
I want everyone to know this.
I posted this as well on facebook so I am just gonna put it here too.
The main thing Niki had shown me before she left this Earth was to not worry. Not worry about the little things. That life is “so small in comparison to Heaven”, and now that she’s gone, her advice has really taken place in my life. I don’t care about people who think differently of me then who I say I am..no one’s perfect in any way. I don’t care about the people who gossip or hate me. I don’t care about the people who aren’t real. Jesus is the reason for the season!! (and my life)
My main goal in life now is to live it to the fullest, love Jesus with all I have and be in Heaven with Niki, Andrea and all the family that love me.
And it will never change. Nothing else is important.
I don’t really think anyone understands how bad I crave Heaven right now. But I love life and I want to live it exactly like Niki did.
Read the Book 90 Minutes in Heaven By Don Piper.
I want to thank everyone for the comments and IMs. Your support means a lot. Please continue to pray for the family. Niki’s funeral is tomorrow and since she does not live near me, I won’t be going but in heart I will be there.
When you finally find me..
Mark Harris – Wish You Were Here
From the album The Line Between The Two
I wanted to tell you how closely I’ve kept
The memories of you in my heart
And all of the lifetimes that we had to share
Live even though we’re apart
But don’t cry for me
‘Cause I’m finally free
(Chorus)
To run with the angels
On streets made of gold
To listen to stories of saints new and old
To worship our Maker
That’s where I’ll be
When you finally find me
No don’t you be weary cause waiting for you
Are wonders that you’ve never known
Just hold on to Jesus, reach out for his hands
And one day They’ll welcome you home
And that’s when you’ll be
Finally free
Finally free
(Chorus)
I wish you were here, I wish you were here
And all of the dreams that you treasure
Will soon come together
And that’s when your sorrow will find tomorrow
And you will rise again
(Chorus)
We’ll run with the angels on streets made of gold
We’ll listen to stories of saints new and old
We’ll worship our maker that’s where we’ll be
When you finally find me
I wish you were here
God (sorry God), I miss her so much. I think the reason it was not as bad the past 2 days was because I was in shock. I am slowing starting to go nuts. She was like my sister, Oh my Gosh she is really gone, my baby is gone.
I had this dream last night. Sometimes I tend to hear my music in my dreams and last night was one of them. Lulu told me that this morning she was going up to Niki’s to help plan the funeral, and that niki will be buried in one of those above ground cripts next to her parents. I told her to please tell Niki bye for me…well last night (that part wasn’t a dream)…but during my dream, I was at Niki’s funeral and she was laying there wrapped in something, something white almost like a mummy, and I just held her and told her what she meant to me, and I could hear the song in my last post “Goodbye my lover” the exact words I remember hearing were “I am a dreamer but when I wake, You can’t break my spirit – it’s my dreams you take.”
I miss her…I miss her so much. I can’t handle this right now. She was a pure angel.
“Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
you have been the one
for me.
So here is my Thirsday Thirteen
1. Niki
2. Niki’s smile
3. Niki’s laugh
4. Niki’s personality
5. Niki’s ability to be able to make people feel better, in any situation
6. Niki’s strength
7. Niki’s courage
8. Niki’s old AIM conversations and facebook notes
9. I am going to print those and keep them until the day I die.
10. Niki telling me about the book 90 min in heaven. Everyone should read it. True story. I know for a fact God wanted Niki to tell me about this book, it preparedme for a lot.
11. Her kindness towards everyone she knew
12. Niki I love you
13. I will never forget you, pretty girl.
